Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
