I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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