just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
