my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
