it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
