Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
