I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
