i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
