It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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