i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
