He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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