i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
