im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
