Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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