her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
