last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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