I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
