I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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