Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
