bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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