our cab driver is having phone sex.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
