i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
