he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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