you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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