Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
