Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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