But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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