you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
