Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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