My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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