Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Green mimosas i think yes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
