i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
