so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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