i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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