Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
