She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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