What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
