So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
