did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
