my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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