Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
