i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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