dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
