It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
