Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
