in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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