yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
