If i come over, it means nothing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
