please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
