Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
