apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize