i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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