whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Houston, we have a blender
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
