i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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