Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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