my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize