sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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