Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
