I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
