somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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