I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
