I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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