you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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